Why Self-Esteem?
A couple of days ago someone asked me why I chose to write a book on self-esteem. It was a good question that made me pause for a minute. I realized there are a couple of answers to this question.
The first one is that there was a time when I had very poor self-esteem. When I was a child I perceived my little sister as the “perfect one”. She was cute, smart, funny, and everybody loved her. I probably resented the fact that she came along when I was two and “stole” my parents’ attention, so in response, I became angry and inadvertently drove people away.
My parents were loving and fair, but as we all do, I acted on my perception and decided that because they spent more time and attention on my sister (as is necessary with small children) I wasn’t as loveable and valuable as she was.
This was the beginning of 25 years of feeling “less than” others. I decided I wasn’t as loveable, valuable, capable or competent as everyone else, and this became a self-fulfilling prophecy. I didn’t know how to make friends, and my grade school years were mostly lonely. High school was slightly better, but I still didn’t value who I was.
After many experiences in which I was successful, I began to realize that I am OK and actually have much to offer. By the time I was in my 30s I also understood that the opinions of others do not define who I am. I decided that I am just as loveable, valuable, capable and competent as others, and that I’m OK as I am. This doesn’t mean I’m ‘perfect’, since there is always room for growth. It means that I can love myself, imperfections and all.
However, I still remember how painful life was when I didn’t value myself, and I became a Licensed Professional Counselor so I could help and empower people so they would never have to feel that way.
In my counseling practice it became clear to me that the people who have positive self-esteem have an easier time dealing with whatever life brings them. Those who feel they are loveable and competent are able to cope with life’s traumas and move on. Those who don’t love themselves seem to struggle.
I wanted to help people avoid the pain that I experienced in my early life, so my friend and colleague, Jan Napoleon, and I decided to write a book that helps people rediscover the amazing person they’ve always been. The result is Self-Esteem: An Inside Job, and over the years it’s been the platform for people to reconnect with the incredible person they are.
Self-Esteem: An Inside Job
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Congratulations on getting the blog going Sandy.
ReplyDeleteFollowing your newsletters and daily emails, it's hard to imagine you ever believing that you were not good enough at anything.
Keep up the blogging.
p.s. I prefer the spaced version!
Self-Esteem I find is something that carries on many perspectives and conditions. Encompassing the word "self" in most parts does not imply in most cases that we have or are in complete control of this attribute we like so loosely accuse others of having or being lack of.
ReplyDeleteThat in it's self is just a great example of one comparing someones experiences based of their own beliefs of what they feel should "be" due to their own journey that was shaped into what the masses define it as.
Rather, by starting to realize that just by living up to your own true convictions, will start leading you into a more authentic self of who you truly are. Stripping you from the self created self of manipulated worldly ideas that you had adopted for generations thru expectation and comparisons which will always lead to the diminish ones-self.
To gain real self-esteem, one must look from within oneself then outside themselves. Trusting that the self one longs for has always been teaching you to truly recognize the power and freedom from within. You might just not had been open to the lesson at that time.
Always keep an open mind to the life lessons that keep continuing to show you in every day experiences. Know that you already posses the greatness you desire but the key is for you to stay open to these lessons life is trying to teach you.
And remember.. If you want something you have never had you must do something that you have never done.
There is no way around this fact.
Bobby Dean Hight III
https://www.facebook.com/bdhight